The widespread debate over whether men care if their female partner wears lingerie or not—or whether they have strong preferences about different styles of lingerie—continues to rage. A quick Google search turns up countless pages of results including blog posts, public forums, and even news articles—all of which hone in on the question of whether or not men actually care about lingerie.
No matter how well-intentioned, these results only serve to perpetuate the misconception that women wear lingerie exclusively for the enjoyment of men—which in turn supports the negative stereotype that a woman bases all of her appearance-related decisions on what men will think of what she wears/how she looks/etc. without stopping to consider her own opinions. This harmful stereotype links to a long history of society only validating women’s personal choices if there is a man behind her to back them up.
While this debate probably won’t come to a close anytime soon, it’s important to throw into the ring the idea that it really, truly doesn’t matter whether men care about lingerie or not—and that women and society as a whole should stop giving this “issue” so much thought and attention.
Striking a Balance
It would be naive to say that women don’t care at all about what men think of their lingerie, just as it would be an exaggeration to suggest that women shouldn’t care at all.
It is perfectly natural to take your partner’s opinions into consideration when shopping for lingerie, just as you would take into account other preferences he might have in the bedroom. Your life in the bedroom is supposed to be fun for both you and your partner, and there is no reason to feel guilty about making lingerie choices that you know will make both of you happy.
Prioritizing Yourself for You And Your Partner
The problem begins when women start making their decisions about the lingerie they wear based solely on the opinions of their partners. First of all, this is not an effective strategy if your goal is fun and enjoyment for both you and your partner. If you base your lingerie only on what your partner thinks is sexy without considering your own preferences, you’ll feel uncomfortable—which does not make for a fun time in the bedroom.
Always consider your own comfort zone first. Decide which sexy lingerie styles make you feel confident, beautiful, and overall like your best self before you consider your partner’s opinions. You and your partner will both enjoy yourselves much more in the bedroom if you feel comfortable and confident in the lingerie you’re wearing.
Not All Women Show Their Lingerie to Men
Another important and often overlooked dimension of this tireless debate is the underlying assumption that women’s sexual partners are exclusively men when, in reality, almost five percent of adults in the U.S. identify as being on the LGBTQ spectrum to some degree.
The whole debate over whether or not men really care about lingerie excludes a significant portion of LGBTQ women who have female sexual partners. This debate fails to recognize that thousands of women have healthy sex lives and enjoy their own expansive collection of lingerie styles—without ever sharing it with a man. This is yet another oversight that falsely inflates the significance of men’s opinions on women’s lives, choices, and behavior.
The bottom line is that there is no straight answer to the question of whether men care about lingerie. Some men get extremely turned on at the sight of any lingerie style on their partner. Other men only like certain styles, and yet others do not care at all one way or the other. There will never be a clear conclusion that settles this debate, and it is in the best interest of you, your partner, and your sex life to think about which factors are really important when it comes to picking out lingerie styles for your wardrobe. Hint: none of these most important factors are mens’ opinions.